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Monday, 30 June 2025

Separate the Author from their Characters (please - for all our sakes!)

I was in two minds whether to write this blog piece but it’s annoying me so much that I need to get it out of my system. Yes we have the hide of rhinos, you have to in this job, but occasionally someone sticks in a pin and it hits a nerve. Yes, I'm a bit cross. 

 

I was half-expecting it, to be honest, for we live in a sensitive climate and I probably wouldn’t have touched a trans character had ‘Astrid’ not been a recurring character who has been so very well received by readers. And when I first wrote her many years ago, she was only ever meant to be a person who was in one story… but, as so often happens, some flower and grow and decide that they are going to stick around for another book. Or more, as in Astrid’s case. There was no political agenda. Yes I know women are feeling ever more subjugated, their spaces eroded (I am one, I KNOW) but this is one (fictional) person, one situation. Astrid arrived fully formed in my head as this Amazonian German with a heart as soft as a tub of Lurpak on a radiator and so I am determined not to fall out of love with one of my own beloved creations who is a great favourite among readers.

 

I’m sure the majority of readers realise that novelists have very vivid imaginations (no shit Sherlock) and we can write about things our characters do that we, as the humans behind them, wouldn’t necessarily agree with. Take for instance my latest book Same Time Next Week. I saw a comment on a readers group (yes, I am a reader too… so I have a perfect right to join as a reader) where someone said I ‘obviously had an agenda to push HRT and so I was preaching about it’ and I’m afraid I happened to reply that I absolutely didn’t – and wasn’t. I’m quite capable of writing a character whose life is transformed by some drug or a running club or a one-night stand without having my experiences at their back to call on. I’m quite capable of having a woman stay in a relationship that I would run from with my arse on fire. I’m quite capable of writing about a woman falling in love with another woman when I’m straight, or wanting to travel the world with a backpack when that would be my worst nightmare or loving caravans (or even marzipan). Maybe it’s flattering that my writing is so convincing that one might imagine it always comes from a place of personal experience, but the tone of the criticism is telling me that it’s anything but. And yes, I can tell a ‘preach’ when I hear one and I despise them. I’ve gone off one of my favourite ever authors because his books now seem to be injected with a lot of his own politics and I just want to read the book not be spouted at.

 

In the reviews of The Magnificent Mrs Mayhew, is one from someone who ripped ME to shreds because I’d chosen to write about a posh Tory family and therefore I made things very obvious which political party I didn’t support. I was dying to write and tell her that I was a floating voter because they’re all a bunch of ****ers and I end up using my votes on who is presently the least shit. But you do have to sit on your hands and swallow. But it's annoying when someone 'knows' something that is, in fact, total bollocks.

 

I was also jumped on once by a militant bunch of vegans who objected to one of my characters not wanting to share a house with someone who didn’t eat meat for fear of being judged. The character felt like that, not me… but some people just cannot separate the two and that was bloody scary with probably the scariest bullying I’ve ever encountered online until I actually called it out as that (helped by some very nice vegans who didn't jump on the bandwagon and were as gobsmacked as I was by the reaction!). But then, I have seen it often that some of the ‘be kind’ brigade can be particularly rigid and cruel and they don’t see the irony in their own actions. (Debate and differences of opinion need to come back quickly before we all crash and burn!) Then, blow me, when I wrote a vegetarian character who had a vegetarian and vegan business I was ‘pushing that agenda’ and set on by another bunch. It is possible to write about someone pushing an agenda without actually pushing that agenda yourself. 

 

 Whatever size - width or length - a character is, whatever hair colour… someone will have a pop and accuse you of singling them out. ‘You have a thing about people in HR, why is that?’ ‘Why does your villain have a big bum?’ ‘Why does your villain have a small bum?’ I had a villain with a set of braces on her teeth (at a time when I was writing the book with a set of braces on my own teeth) and I was poking fun at her, apparently. Yes I was, she was an awful character and that's how she was in my head. I was hardly saying if you have a gob like Jaws, you're a monster. I wasn't a monster for having braces (I hope). We can’t win. And I actually want to describe my characters who are all different shapes and sizes so my readers can visualise them. So I will be carrying on doing that. Niceness and nastiness, neither fit into a natural shape. There are beautiful knobheads and some of the nicest people would never get on the front cover of Vogue.

 

As for Astrid, my dear lovely Astrid, who joins a friendship group NOT a menopause group in Same Time Next Week. I am very clear that Astrid cannot go through that physical stage, but she is at an age where she is feeling that changes need to be made in her life. The book is primarily about change, not just menopausal changes. And as for the woman she chases out of the group… hello!! Women can be gobshites, as 'Janine' is and once she is gone, the energy of the group flows. One person does not a political agenda make. I stay out of all those big issues because I don’t need to lay on my readers what my beliefs are, political or otherwise, so don’t think I’m surreptitiously doing it to influence you all. I’m quite blatant about recommending things when I need to – ie Honeylove bras, P & O Cruises, M & S baby sprouts. Contention? You can keep it. I'll stay out of the debates that others are better arguing.

 

I remember when Me Before You came out and Jojo Moyes had to come out and say that the ending was appropriate for THAT ONE character, it didn’t mean that it would be right for every person in the same situation. That wasn’t the message. You can be decent and inclusive without banging a political drum and you can judge individuals on their own merits and situations as (most of) my characters do. Thank you to everyone who is delighted to see the lovely Astrid return and judges her as they find – one of those people who gets a lot of fan mail and I’m chuffed to buttons about that. 

 

I get letters that I should put more people of colour/less able-bodied/etc people in my books. No I shouldn’t. All my characters appear in my imagination as the ‘right people for the job’. Mr Singh, Charlie and Robin, Erin… they’re in my books because they turned up in my head and said ‘hello, I think we can work together.’ No, I’m not getting into virtue signalling and being ‘right on’ just to tick boxes and make myself look saintly, because that’s what it’ll come across as and give you all the ick. Besides, I’m doing my bit for the under-represented with the working class, something no one can accuse me of not knowing about first-hand. It’s my comfort zone, my world. 

 

So do give us a break. But if you are that sensitive that you need to write to an author to tell them that you are furious and will never read another of their books again because a fictitious character in one of their books has done something you don’t agree with… maybe you shouldn’t read any mmmm/f erotica, Lolita or Chris Carter books. 

 

Authors are not their characters. *drops mike*. Also Astrid is BACK and going on on cruise in book 24!!! 

Saturday, 26 October 2024

AN AFTERNOON ABOARD THE NORTHERN BELLE

 


There is nothing like essential research when it's a proper treat and a pleasure to do. My next Christmas book is set on a train and I needed to get a feel for some luxury rail travel. I did try and ask a couple of high end train companies if I could travel to them and just walk through from one end to the other, see the galley and the bedrooms but they were, how shall we put it politely... 'dismissive'. Didn't give an inch. I'm sure they get a few people wanting to just wander through but I had a genuine reason and I do have a bit of background in this novel-writing lark. Anyway - what does a writer have an imagination for? I could get what I need from YouTube, but it really would have helped my idea of perspective if I could have just been on such a train. Bugger.  

Enter stage left... the Northern Belle. It's a train full of restaurant cars, Pullman carriages no less, the company based in Wakefield - just up the road. That would work - I would have to imagine the sleeping part, but that's doable. I wasn't going to risk getting someone writing me off as a freeloading oik again, so I said to the OH - 'Fancy lunch on a posh train in October? I'm paying. It just travels around for six hours and we eat on it, chill and look out of the window. We got on in Wakey and get off in Wakey.' 'Sounds all right,' he replied. So I booked it. It wasn't cheap. But sometimes (often) you get what you pay for and I have to say, it was worth every blooming penny. Anyway, read on and you'll see what I mean. 

I got in touch with the sales manager who could not have been more helpful and arranged for me to look around the galley when I was onboard. 'After the mains though... it's a bit fraught before then. And the dish washers will have about 1600 pieces to clean'. No problem. I can wait until it's convenient. The fact they were willing to accommodate me at all was wonderful and I didn't want to be a pest and get in their way.

I didn't wear the faux fur coat as planned (I've been trying to slim into it for 10 years, finally managed it - and then had to hang it back up!) I should have because guests meeting in Wakefield Kirkgate were done up to the eyeballs, ready for a touch of the high life and an afternoon being transported into a world of yesteryear. I was excited about this way before the moment when I saw the train mentioned on the station info board. 









It looked beautiful as it was pulling into the station, all the carriages named after great castles and stately homes. Ours was Alnwick. It's not a sleeper, just dining, 13 coaches (I think) restaurant and staff quarter cars in varying light, medium and dark wood, the marquetry exquisite, the ceilings hand-painted. Gorgeous upholstery, antimacassars as far as the eye can see and embroidered soft, fat cushions. This is a VERY comfortable train. 
 














AND WE'RE ON... and there's a bucket with champagne waiting for us as a gift from the company and A PEN. Because I had to order a souvenir pen. I'd have been an idiot not to. Other souvenirs also available but stationery every time for me. 

I feel as if I've stepped back in time and Miss Marple is going to be get on in a minute. 

We paid extra for a table just for two because, as the OH put it: we didn't want to be spending all that money and end up with a pair of gobby strangers who spoil it. And hog the window. Totally worth the extra. Although we did end up sitting across from a wonderful couple who we chatted with all the journey and we all said after that if we'd known how our luck would have landed, we'd have all been delighted to share a table. They were celebrating a 40th - I was celebrating a 60th. What an amazing way to mark it, is all I'll say. Something unusual, singular and definitely memorable. 


Complimentary glass of champagne arrived (with a very generous hand - none of that 'glass dampening' you get at some places) as soon as we were on, with canapés. And hats off to the team who have to deal with all the food fussies (ie me: I'd rather avoid fish, but let me at the caviar. Chicken main instead of duck please. Mackerel??? ooh - I'd rather not. The OH is a vegetarian). All dealt with smoothly and with perfect friendliness. Yes we were very looked after by our lady stewards. Even vegetarian caviar for the OH.  





MY PEN!!!







Caviar in one hand, champers in the other is how I'd like every day to go.  Absolutely delicious. And here was the train route we were taking today - picking up at Doncaster after Wakefield (first pick up Leeds) then down to Lincoln, Market Rasen, to Cleethorpes, where the train reversed and back home.  Everything was beautifully spaced out as well. Wasn't sure if we'd have 3 hours of nothing after the meal, but the whole dining experience took 6 perfect hours, allowing us to (try and) digest all the delicious food inbetween courses. And the cocktails. Oh my. We squeezed in an espresso martini after the canapés... just because we could (you have a wine allowance in with the lunch which you can spend on cocktails or other drinks if you prefer). 




Not a lover of mackerel as I said - I had an alternative (you pick your preferences before you come on) a ham hock terrine with a lovely bit of pork scratching. Yum.  Cutlery, crockery, linen, cushions, glasses... everything first class. And don't even get me started on the quality of the butter!




Wasn't quite sure how I was going to manage 7 courses... luckily I think champagne pushes everything down in your stomach and gives you some room (?!). Pumpkin soup, pumpkin oil and pumpkin seeds with artisan bread (sour dough with sun-dried tomato for the OH, seeded for me!) My goodness... it was absolutely delicious. I almost took the name off the bottom of the bowl with my spoon. 



There was a respectable interlude where I went for a nosey around the train and saw all the carriages photographed above. The train is half a mile long from one end to the other. I figured I burned off the starters walking all that. In my dreams. 

The atmosphere is terrific too because everyone on this train is out for a good time, a celebration, a day out with friends. It's a treat and they want to wring out the juice from the day they've saved up and paid for.

The mains arrived. Halloumi for the OH, chicken for me.  Totally and utterly marvellous.





And wonderful and witty entertainment in the form of these guys. Again, I did wonder when I read there would be onboard entertainment if this would be a bit 'cringe' but it was anything but - it was as perfect as everything else in the day was. They were great, pausing at each table, treating us to all to some top quality repartee and fitting classics - and birthday tunes for our fellow diner across the way. Funny and sweet. 



...and talking of sweet... it was time for this sloe gin fantastic creation! Not quite sure where I'm managing to put all this, but it was no hardship to try. Magic I reckon... making all this food disappear.



And more magic... because the table magician arrived. Amazing. Could have watched him all day. John the Magician. John who could do real magic because we have no idea where the big solid golf ball came from. He was BRILLIANT. And we were so close to his  hands... there was no possibility of this being a trick - he had to be the genuine wizard article.



And lo and behold up popped my friend from Yorkshire Life on a press trip (nice for some!). One of Kathryn's more enjoyable assignments. She stayed for a natter and then whizzed off when there was mention of the cheese being on its way. 



Anyway - this was work for me too (yeah yeah) and I needed to see the galley - and the chef. I needed to thank him for making me put on three stone in one day. I couldn't believe how compact everything was in the kitchen, how organised - and how clean and tidy because all the bulk of everything had been done, slickly as a military operation. So here's Matthew Green and me, head chef and BARNSLEY LAD.  Not one for the limelight but I had to drag him into it for publicity purposes - plus he deserves it because everything was spot on, magnificent, not only tasty but arranged like artwork on the plates.



I went to check out the loo to find the soft white towels, the marquetry... a bit different from the East Midlands trains experience! Can't wait for that next week when I'm jogging down to the London - I think I'm spoilt now. 



Then we get to the cheese... Oh my, the King Charles III cheddar with truffle was to DIE FOR. Oatcakes, chutney, more of that lovely butter, fruitcake, biscuits... and PORT (white or red). Everything generously served.










Another little flurry by the musicians working their way back down the train and it was time to relax, enjoy the dying daylight, with the last of the champers and a gorgeous coffee and chocolates (salted caramel and Marc de Champagne) ... delicious! That's me full to capacity now, unless the company wanted a messy 'Mr Creosote' moment. 
















A lingering last look at the next carriage as we were stood to get off. The train pulled in at Wakefield about 6 1/2 hours after it set off and we didn't want to leave. Like I said at the beginning, sometimes you get what you pay for and this was perfection. Worth every. Single. Penny. 




I did ask one of the ladies on board if they had a lot of repeat customers but I don't know why I did because it was perfectly obvious there would be. I will definitely be a repeat customer. I do need to ride this train again because I'm sure there were details I missed which I will NEED for my book research. No question about that. 

There are a variety of trips you can do on the Northern Belle leaving at stations all over the country. Afternoon tea, shopping, Christmas lunch... and they do vouchers so you can contribute to someone's trip. All I can say is - what a present that would be. If you have a special occasion coming up, this train experience is a delight. A real touch of opulence, you're totally spoilt, you're wonderfully looked after. A beyond first class proper, superlative, amazing indulgence. Treat yourself - you can thank me later.