The Power of Nancy

 

My friend Nancy died last week. I wept buckets. I wept like someone who saw her every day of our lives but the truth was I rarely saw her. We wrote - always a VERY lengthy one at Christmas - and I went to visit her last year, the last time being before Covid. But therein lies the strength of a good friendship, we picked up as if we HAD just seen each other the previous day. And she was never far from my mind because she turns up as a mention every time I do a presentation about my career. 

Our friendship started when I was twenty-five. I lived in Haworth and had secured a job at a local furniture and antiques shop and I was introduced to the three women who I would be working with - Nancy, in her fifties, Sheila in her sixties, Mary in her seventies. My initial thought was 'My god, this is going to be fun working with these old farts' but it WAS the best fun. We called ourselves the Golden Girls. Mary was the flighty Blanche, Sheila was dizzy Rose, Nancy was the pragmatic Dorothy - and it was ME who was the old Sophia, because they were far younger in spirit than I was. We went bowling together, to dinner, to the theatre... they taught me how women's friendship batters down all the barriers of age, background, colour, creed. It was the best lesson of my young life. 

The place we worked at well, you had to be there to believe it and a tale for another time, but thirty-odd years later and Nancy and I we were still laughing and coming out in cold sweats at what we experienced there. The big Christmas letter was the one I looked forward to writing and receiving most. But there will be no more. Nancy didn't want me to know she was poorly so it all came as a bolt from the blue and there will be no funeral because she didn't want anyone who barely knew her telling a congregation all about her as if they were best mates and she thought religion caused more problems than it solved. She wanted no fuss. That was her, strong, straight but you can be both of those and also full of joy too and she was. And, when I came to write my books, because of that friendship I had a lot in my scrapbook to draw from. Nancy's first husband was a serial adulterer, she told me, but he couldn't understand why she got upset because 'he saved her for best'. That turned up in a book, I tell you. (And yes, she moved on and met the most wonderful new husband.)

So when I read the article in the Mail at the weekend about the rise of 'mid-lit' - and how it had become this summer's literary sensation, my initial thought was 'about bloody time'. It's good that it's now in vogue - plus a double-whammy with some nice press for romantic fiction. But it has been around for quite some time waiting for the sun to shine on it, and there are many novelists out there writing about middle-aged and older women.

When I first started writing, I took a chance and wrote a story that was relevant to me rather than the ones I read - and loved - which were mainly set in the south and featured younger women. I was forty and badly in need of a Renaissance after a long drawn-out divorce. I couldn't see books about there about ME, so I wrote them.

My first book, The Yorkshire Pudding Club, about three northern women having babies aged forty, was a risk. But it paid off. And it sold because a load of women out there, like me, wanted books that were about women closer to their own age, who'd been kicked around the ring a few times and wanted hope that better things lay ahead. That book came out in 2006. I liked writing about women my own age, I knew what they'd been through, I knew that a few had been whittled away at in life, become doormats, and were ripe for a change of life. But I knew that a lot had gone the other way and embraced getting older, riding the age wave, pushing their boundaries. By this time I was finally free of the husband, I was running my own copyrighting company and doing a lot better than just surviving. Roll back seven years before though and I was standing crying in a corner thinking that if all I was going to have in life was what I already had, I might as well not be here. That low. So I absolutely know that however bad it gets, there is always the prospect of hope, of things getting much better, of reuniting yourself with the path your young self imagined lay in front of them which had some gold on it. As you age you realise sometimes that the gold is actually turds with a lucky light on them. But it doesn't have to be like that. Women have renaissances and when that biological clock hits forty and beyond... it seems to awaken a dragon within that says, 'Time's ticking, I want more.' It happened to me exactly like that. My life now couldn't be more different to how it was back then. I had no connections in this industry, just a hope that I could one day see my name on a book and see that book on a shelf in a shop. Change is scary and messy, but the end result is magnificent and that's why I write about such things.

I know that Jane Austen wrote about much younger women, but in those days you were finished if you were mid-twenties and hadn't got spliced. So when she writes about women like Anne Elliot, she's more or less writing the equivalent of middle-aged women, past it, heading for old-maid-dom, given a new lease of life. She was ahead of her time. She'd have worn a #RespectRomFic badge.

Sometimes my characters are younger (I still can remember what it's like to be that), sometimes they are much older than me, I have a wide range of ages in my books because I want to appeal to all readers. And even though I'm not a pensioner (yet), I've had enough friends of that age group to know that they are far from Scrapheap Farm and a switch hasn't been turned on that forces them to start an annual subscription to 'What Denture Paste?' and collecting thimbles. Let's not go down the lazy stereotype route. Women in their sixties don't start calling people dear and checking out retirement homes. They are going pole-dancing (yes some WIs so this) and trying all manner of new things, including internet dating and finding love. My friend is mid-fifties and she's about to climb Kilimanjaro, and not for the first time either. In many cases 'mature' women care less what people think of them which frees them. I was far more paranoid in my twenties than now. And I wear much brighter colours.

In Here Come The Girls, I have four friends who go on their first cruise for their fortieth birthdays. They're not in the best way, in need of that renaissance.  In Afternoon Tea at the Sunflower Cafe, Connie has become prematurely middle-aged, but she finds a fire in her belly when she finds her husband is cheating on her. In The Teashop on the Corner, one of my main characters Molly is a pensioner who, in My One True North, starts up her own business in her seventies. In Sunshine Over Wildflower Cottage, I fought to have my middle-aged characters going through the menopause because 'it wasn't a sexy subject' but I had a feeling it would be. I didn't want their symptoms being shoved under the carpet. I didn't want them to become superwomen either because of something entirely natural, but I did want to acknowledge it happens to women and so it should be mentioned. In The Mother of All Christmases, Annie has a baby late in life. In The Woman in the Middle, I write about Shay, in the sandwich generation, where a massive proportion of women find themselves these days - looking out for adult children, looking after elderly parents, juggling a job, the menopause, housework - and running on empty, squeezed out of their own lives. In Together, Again, Jolene is mid-forties and writing about love and romance but desperately unhappy at home. That 'insta-perfect' life jarring with reality. In A Summer Fling. one of my early books, there is a cross-generational friendship of women in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s. I'll leave you to work out where the inspiration for this one came from. A group of females who are bonded by life, by friendship and give support to each other at work. Yes, my precious Golden Girls group. 

You don't just stop having sex when you leave your thirties. You don't start buying brogues (although Crocs are blimming marvellous) and wearing twinsets and pearls. Women are having renaissances everywhere. They're being brave and leaving shit marriages and opening their own businesses. And often they find the bravery to do that by reading books in which fictional characters do this, written by writers who have taken their inspiration from real life - so there's a fabulous cycle of reality and fiction feeding each other. And it's a sign of a well-written book that a real person can take inspiration from a fictional person because they feel so authentic. That is the power of 'our books'. 

My lovely Nancy would never have believed the amount of material our friendship gave to me. Or the impact of it on my life, on my career. I will miss her wisdom, cackling over 'that place' we worked at which was as surreal as a Salvador Dali painting. I will miss the joy she gave me and I'll send a great big fat thank you to whatever it was that decided our paths should cross all those years ago. I owe it a pint.

Read the article online here.